I'm Back Bitches!

Wow! Nine months is way too long!  Where the fuck have I been you ask?  All kinds of places my darlings, all kinds of places. 

First of all, forgive me for running away.  Just to keep it real, however, I'm not gonna lie and say it won't happen again. 

In actuality this blog was never far from my mind because I have close to forty posts that I never published.  I know, that's not very nice.  I'll make it right though, especially if it was my fault, and it clearly was.

This first post may be a bit lengthy but its a compilation and summarization of many unpublished posts just to bring you somewhat up to speed.  My remix if you will.

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Many things have happened since my last post in March but starting with an Oscar update seems most fitting.  I believe I may have told you the particulars of the surgery so I'll skip on ahead to the post-op.

The surgery went well with no complications.  The first month was kind of brutal.  For all of us.  Ace and I pretty much watched him day and night.  Until the scar tissue that would eventually encase and strengthen the nylon ligament had a chance to form, his knee would be weak and any accidental jarring or bumping of it could re injure it.  We didn't take any chances of that happening so we were more diligent in our duties than we should have been but we didn't want to have to put him through more than we had to. Okay, well that and there was no way it was being paid for twice!

I spent a month on Ace's couch trying to keep Oscar from getting up and walking around too much.  Poor guy.  He absolutely hated his e-collar but trust me, it was necessary.

I am happy to report that by August our lil Ozzie had his "hops" back so the surgery was a success.  He will never be a hundred percent but at least he is no longer in pain.  The vet said there would always be a slight favoring of the leg but its only barely noticeable when he walks or sits.  When he's out running though, he looks like his old self again.

I learned quite a bit in the last nine months.  I learned about the Mayan Civilization, the Incas. 

I developed a strange obsessions with Japanese culture, fell in love with the history of the Geisha and devoured a good number of books about the subjects.  I was even a Geisha for Halloween. 

In my absence I became familiar  with and experimented with Tanka writing.  Tanka (formerly Waka) is a form of poem believed to have been developed in the seventh or eighth century.  The Tanka is very much like the Haiku because it only allows you a set number of lines and syllables in which to create.  5-7-5-7-7 is Tanka form whereas Haiku is 5-7-5.  I still very much love to write what I call my free form poetry, but I find Tanka a refreshing challenge and who doesn't want to be challenged?  Needless to say I've been a writing machine, not here obviously and I apologize but my creative process is finally flowing fiercely so you can be sure there's more to come. 

I read countless books, there were times when I was going through three or four books a week or was reading three or four simultaneously.  It was crazy and it felt great! 

I found a book written by Rita Marley about her life with Bob and I must say, that woman is truly remarkable.  In fact, I find the whole family to be extremely talented and humble.  I have always loved the music the Bob and his sons have been kind enough bestow upon us but this family is so much more than just that.  They are love, compassion, hardships, they are raw and they are real.  When I found out that Ziggy Marley would be playing at a local, I wasted no time getting us tickets.  We had a great night!

I had a plethora of new experiences including a most AMAZING night in Telluride.  *smile (littered with sadness but that story is for another day)*

I fell in love with the taste of a hand rolled cigar, reveled in the beauty of a harmonica, and felt the delicious heartbreak in the sound of a blues guitar.  I stepped out of my 60's music comfort zone and with much thanks to a special person, my play lists have probably quadrupled and all of it is beautiful. 

I got a new job at a resort in Gateway and I love it.  Some times its hard work and long days but I don't mind.  I have met some really wonderful people and for the first time in a long time I can honestly say I like everyone I work with.  How rare is that?  Going to work is no longer something I loathe, there's no drama, we all get along, we go in, we get it done, we get out, and we have fun doing it. 

The landscape is beautiful in Gateway so in my off time while I'm staying at the resort I take advantage of my camera.  Sometimes I get lucky and am able to capture some really nice shots.

This beautiful chuck of rock is called the Palisade

Moonrise at sunset in the canyon

A storm brewing on 4.1 road 



Fall Creek



Sunset at Fall Creek

 That's just a small teaser of the images I have captured, but I think you get the idea.  I love Colorado!

The resort also has stables but some of the horses hang out in a pasture behind the employee housing. It had been many years since I had touched a horse since I am highly allergic to them but I had to pet them anyway.  I broke out in a minor rash on my arms but not at all what I had expected so I made it a daily routine to bring them apples and scratch their ears. 

This unique fellow I have named Motley, and he quickly became my favorite.  His mane reminds me of Vince Neil's shag in the days when Dr. Feelgood was blaring loudly from just about every teenager's cassette player.  Don't be embarrassed to remember those days,  I'm not. 

These horses are wonderful and am so glad that I can enjoy them again.  Even if it is only for brief periods of time.  I'm not sure I will ever be able to ride (unless I purchase a bubble) but I know now that petting doesn't kill me so that's a step in the right direction.

I know that I am leaving quite a few things out but I feel that some of my reflections and memories of my time away may be better off as posts of their own.  We have much to catch up on and many things to look forward to. Happy December! 

Gives me Goosebumps Every Time

During my hiatus from employment today I decided to take advantage of some me time and watch a movie.

Independence Day

I have seen this movie hundreds of times, I mean that in the most literal sense. 

Since it's debut in 1996, I have managed to wear out two VHS tapes and and have a DVD that has certainly paid it's dues but still works. Thankfully.

Due to the movie's mixed reviews from the critics you are probably wondering why I fell so deeply.

Well, honestly, its a number of things but one of those things sticks out more than all others.

It is the speech that is made by the President ( Bill Pullman) right before the guys take flight to nuke the aliens.

It gives me the goosebumps every time I see it and I even cried the first time.

It's like having a lover whose touch just makes your flesh tingle and you get that unexplainable sensation often attributed to being cold, but it's not that.  It's a heat so hot that your body tries to fool your brain so that you don't get burned.  Ok, well maybe not that good but pretty damn close!

Enjoy.

What the F*ck Wednesdays

Ok kiddos, today we are going to broach the subject of parental supervision or the lack thereof.

I was going to lunch with a friend the other day and we were driving down a busy area of town and there was a small boy, he couldn't have been more than four or five years old, playing with a large stick.  He was maybe three feet from the road and he was shaking that stick at cars as they drove by.  He came really close to if not actually hitting a couple of cars from what I could see.

My first instinct, unfortunately, was to grab that child and chap his ass.  My second instinct was "Where the FUCK (yes McBunni, I said it, sorry Mom) is this child's Mother/Father/Nanny?  My friend and I both looked around for some resemblance of an adult and guess what?  NOTHING!!

It wasn't just this particular kid that got me heated.  Oh no!  It is so much more than just this incident.  It's the lady with six kids, one hanging from the boob while the other five are running rampant through the isles of Walmart like wild banshees.  It's that little brat that bloodies your heels with the shopping cart (repeatedly) while he's practicing his Nascar moves in a crowded isle all the while his brainless mother has her nose stuck in her phone texting.  It's the eight year old little girl walking down North Avenue in an outfit that a hooker would feel self conscious in. 

There's alot more but I think you get the picture.  I may be exaggerating a bit but it's not far off for me to wonder on a daily basis where the parentals are.

I love kids.  Really, I do.  My mom did daycare out of our house for twenty five years so I was surrounded by other people's children every single day of my life.  I know the amount of work they take and there HAS to be constant supervision.  

What makes me sad/mad/crazy is that stupid selfish people are allowed to procreate.  I very rarely go a day without hearing about a child being abused, mistreated, killed or abducted because someone wasn't paying attention.  It just so messed up.  It makes me want pull their parents aside and scream DON'T YOU KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE TO HAVE WITNESSED A MIRACLE IN YOUR CHILD'S BIRTH?  DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT YOU HAVE SOMETHING PRECIOUS AND IRREPLACEABLE?  DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT IT'S NO LONGER ALL ABOUT YOU?

How is it fair that these people can have any number of kids that they want but no matter how hard I try, I will never know what it feels like to bring another life into the world.  

I'm not saying that I would be "Mother of the Year," of course I would stumble through the job that is parenthood.  Every parent does. 

All I am really saying is that I would care enough about my kids to not allow them to stand on a busy street and shake sticks at cars. 

I would care enough to know when I need to go back on birth control.  Why?  Because I am smart enough to know that more than a couple could be too much for me to handle by myself.  

I would care enough to not let my eight year old daughter dress like a whore and walk down a busy street alone. 

I would care more about my child's life than I would for my own.

Regardless, the kids are not to blame, hell, they are just being kids.  If my mother wasn't so watchful of me when I was growing up, I would have loved to have been that brat running into people in the isles.  Fuck yeah, (again, sorry mom) that sounds like a great time!  Knowing myself the way I do, I am positive I would even have an intricate points system in place and would take great pleasure in screaming "I won, I won!"

Seriously, if you are a parent reading this, go home and hug your little miracles, make sure they know everyday that you live for them.  

I am leaving you today with a quote from one of my favorite movies.  This has stuck in my mind since the moment it was spoken and I believe it to be one of the truest things I have ever heard.

"Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children." 

                                      --Eric Draven (Brandon Lee, The Crow 1994)

Have a FANTABULOUS Wednesday my friends!

Oscar Update

Well everyone, today we made the appointment for Oscar's surgery.  He goes in on March 24th and will have to spend a few days away from home. 

Ace and I might end up taking it worse than he does and I know for sure that Karma Jade will be lost without him. 

It is what it is, a necessary step in getting our healthy jumping baby dog back to his old self.

Jeepers Creepers!!

I used to live in a house with Ace that was built in the early 1900's.  We lived in the basement and had to walk through a maze of darkness and up narrow concrete stairs to access our bathroom. 

This place creeped me out.  I would wake up in the middle of the night without fail needing to use the bathroom.  I was so scared to walk out of our door that I would nearly wet myself in attempt to not have too.  Fruitless as it was, I tried every night to hold it but in the end I would wind up waking Ace up so that he could walk through the maze of darkness with me.

Something just didn't feel right with the place.  Something was always watching me and I'm pretty positive it may have even touched me a few times.  Ewwwww!

Turns out,  I there was validity to my feelings. 

We shared the house with Ace's Mom, her husband, and younger son.  Mom said that when Stinker (the little brother) was small she would catch him sitting in his crib having conversations with an invisible something that he would only address as "The Man".

Eventually, based one the history that Mom had on the house, the entity became known as "Clyde." Whom in fact, was the previous owner. 

Just hearing that everyone else in the house acknowledged the presence of something was enough to scare me.

That wasn't it though, there was also a small girl who had made herself known via photograph.  As soon as I get the photo uploaded I will do an update on this post.  Seriously, you have to see it!  It's nuts!  It made the hair all over my body stand on end in protest of what my eyes were seeing.

I have always been super fascinated with ghosts and such.  I just never thought I would be in a place with so many of them.

As time passed, my acceptance grew and I got more used to the goings on in the house.  I didn't feel the little girl very often.  "Clyde," however, was quite the joker.  He was never malicious which is a blessing.  He didn't even seem like he wanted anything but some good clean fun.  "Clyde's " antics would often be anything from the gentle pinch of the ass, to moving objects and placing them in completely random spots. (This, by the way, made me think I was going crazy)

I cannot explain how I felt when he was near, I just knew. 

In a weird way I  eventually began to feel like he was just your everyday, ordinary, invisible uncle and became quite at ease with him around.  I talk to him when I feel him, and now, since I don't live there anymore, when I do visit I catch myself looking for him. 

Strange Days, and Good Times.

What the F*ck Wednesdays

Note:  Sorry about the late post, we were having some technical difficulties.

Ok, so if you don't want to hear what I have to say, then please, please, please don't ask. 

I take value in the fact that I am "that friend" (and we all have one or two) who will tell you the truth no matter what.

Running the risk of hurting your feel goods momentarily, sounds far better than allowing some random person to hurt them permanently.  Girl, people are mean so if I am thinking it (and I love you) can you imagine what the people who don't know you, love you, or care about you are thinking? 

I know, I know, who cares what other people think right?  Absolutely!  I agree!  Unfortunately we live in an extremely judgemental world and while I have gotten so good at not passing judgement, not everyone can be so diligent.  It's human nature.

I am not the bitch I am made out to be.  My tongue may sting a bit but in the end I will support your every decision, regardless of what I think.

Case in point...

Friend: "Does my ass look big in this?"

Me:  "Yes!"

Friend: *GASP*

Me:  "Does it mean that should you decide to move forward with the opposing outfit that I won't shake my ass with you on the dance floor of our favorite bar?  Absolutely not!  Let's do this!"

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So a couple of days ago a friend asked me what I thought about her relationship predicament (she has recently declared Lesbianism and is finding it a little harder to navigate than she thought) and so I told her the truth based on what she has told me and things I have seen with my own eyes. 

Needless to say, she didn't like it too much and refuses to believe what I told her even though what I said would happen, has happened and continues to happen. 

Friends, it's just not in my nature to sugar coat anything.  Therefore, for the sake of losing myself just to lie to you, I will continue to let my tongue speak the truth as I hear it in my head.  Apologize for it?

I will not.

Note:  Ok, so I will compromise and lie to you if that's what you would prefer, I don't like it particularly, but am not to good to do it.  All I ask is that you make sure you tell me that's what you need before you ask for my five cents (I believe my opinion is worth more than two cents therefore I have marked it up, well that and partly due to inflation.  F*ck this economy!)

Down and Out

So on Tuesday night I lost My Person.  You know what I mean, the one person in your life who has always loved you for you, the one person who knows all and I do mean ALL of your dirty little secrets.  The person you run to first above all others when situations arise.  The person who is always the same, quick to make you laugh, quick to kick you when you're down (I mean that in the best sense of the phrase), quick to be anything you need at any given moment (as long as he's not working).

I lost him, not misplaced like I have done with him before, lost him.

Gone!  Poof!

My fault? Yes it was. 

In my defense though, it was not premeditated nor were there were any ill intentions.  I didn't think it was that big of a deal.  That's just it, I didn't think.  I was wrong and I am deeply sorry.

Cried about it?  Yes I did (still am actually and probably will for days). *sniff*

There's just too much between us to not be together but sometimes it seems that there is too much between us to be together if that makes any sense. *sniff*

Him and  I have done horrible shit to each other (which he started by the way, you know you did,  just sayin) but we have always forgiven and moved forward.  I honestly don't think that is going to happen this time. *Sniff, sniff sniff, catch breath, sniff*

I don't know how to make it right.  I guess all I can do is hope that one day he will recognize how much I really do love him and want him in my life.  Until then, a piece of me will be missing, a big piece. 

I am sorry Ace.

My New Addiction

I have an addiction!

It's called Burlesque!  I just bought this movie on Tuesday and FELL IN LOVE.  I'm talking head over Louis Vuitton IN LOVE.

What did it for me?

Simple, the music and the dances that embellish the music. I love love love that "Big Band" sound, ok well that and I'm a sucker for a beautiful girl wearing next to nothing.  Don't get me wrong, I am not a lesbian, but a woman's body is a work of art and to see such lovely specimens gallivanting on stage with such sexual ferocity (smile), well, it would make anyone (man or woman) take notice and say "DAMN!" 

I have never been a huge Christina Aguilera fan but the girl can sing and no one can deny her talent.  Cher, well, she's Cher need I say any more?  Love her!

Seriously friends, it's not the acting that got me, not even the story line, just the sights and sounds.  I soooooo wish I could move like that and sing for that matter.  Oh well.  I am happy watching other people do it.  And as of right now I have watched the movie four times and have downloaded the soundtrack to my iPhone. (which by the way was only $7.99 from itunes!!! Right on!)

The following is my favorite number from the movie.  I hope you enjoy it.  Have a happy Thursday friends!

What the F*ck Wednesdays

As most of you know, I love cars.  Everything about them.  Fixing them, looking at them, driving them.  I love Cars! 

Recently the ex-husband asked me if I wanted to help him put Nanny's car back together so we could sell it.  The money is going to be used to pay for Oscar's surgery so of course I was in.  I woulda been game anyway though cuz there's nothing like the smell of motor oil in the morning!  Love it! 

Anyway he sends me to the auto parts store with a list of things we need to get this big ol bitch running.  Oh, I forgot to mention that the said car is a 1984 Chevy Impala.  Definately not my favorite year but Impalas are classic Right?  Right.

I manage to find everything except the right sized exhaust pipe.  I need a 2 1/2 inch diameter pipe and the highest this particular store has in stock is a 2 1/4 inch.

I proceed to the front of the store to get some help.  I finally find someone who looks like he isn't doing anything so I walk up to him and here's how it went...

Me:  Excuse me?

Guy:  Yes mam how can I help you?

I explain to him that they are out of the right sized pipe and asked if they might have one tucked away in the back.

Guy (smiling at me unsincerely and a bit maliciously):  Sweetheart are you sure that's the size you need?  Do you want to call someone, your boyfriend maybe and ask for sure before I go look?

Ok, so here is what came out of my mouth...

Me (not smiling):  Yes, that sized pipe is exactly what I need please look and see if you have one.  Thank you. (I was nice WOW!!!!)

Here is what I was thinking and what should have probably come out of my mouth...

"First of all Jackass, I'm not your sweetheart!  Second of all, just because I have tits and a vagina does not render me useless.  I will never need a man/boyfriend/husband/gay friend to validate my automobile knowledge (or my mad measuring skills, because I'm the one who measured the muffler piece in the first place)  and your suggestion that I do just proves that you are a brainless nincompoop (sp?) and have absolutely no cutomer service skills.  This is discrimination!  You should be fired!  Hey I need a job...got any applications?  I guarantee you I can do your job better than you! " 

Then my mind wandered, because it does that sometimes, to that song "Anything you can do I can do better"  (I had just watched Chuck and Larry and so it seemed fitting). 

Sometimes I seriously think I have sign that says "If you are stupid, f*ck with me" taped to my ass but when I look, it's not there.  I don't get it!!

WAIT!!! EUREKA!!!!!

Bear with me friends, I'm having a thought...

Just maybe I do have a sign but only it can only be seen by *cough* stupid people.  Kind of like the same concept as the dog whistle.  You know what I'm saying?  The only problem with my thought is that I'm not sure I like the idea of the stupid people having special powers like that.  It just doesn't seem right, why can't a smarter than your average bear person like me see things that aren't there?  Soooo not fair!

One more time friends!

Happy Hump Day!

Update on Oscar

Well, Ozzie had his follow up appointment with the vet this morning and it looks like he's having surgery.  The vet is sure it's a torn ACL so we have a couple of surgery options.  Option one is going to cost about $2400.00 because they need to bring in a specialist while option two is only about $850.00.

The vet says neither surgery will make him 100% and rehabilitation time is about 2-3 months but we need to do what's best for him regardless of whether or not it breaks us.  Looks like Ace and I have some serious choices to make.

I will keep you updated.

Have a fantastic Saturday friends.

PunkAss + Lillies = No Bueno

I came home from running some errands today and found the beautiful Lillies that Ace had given me for my birthday all over the kitchen floor.  They were in shreds.  This was them before...

The culprit...

None other than my PunkAss!  He can't even hide the evidence this time.  It's written all over his cute fuzzy face.

I'm so bummed because after over a week they were still soooooo pretty and made my whole apartment smell amazing.  Damn!

What The F*ck Wednesdays

People never cease to amaze me.  What also amazes me is that there is no shortage of snotty people, especially in this town.

I have an employee "JC" who is one of the best people I know.  She has been working for me since she was fifteen and is now seventeen.  I feel like I have watched her mature and I tend to often act as a "mom" figure.  She tells me everything about her life and constantly asks my advice.  Her actual mother has always been less than attentive, so I try to do anything I can for her to show her that she has a support system.

For sake of argument (because I think she's beautiful and I am extremely biased) when most people first set eyes on JC, they tend to judge immediately.  She is covered in tattoos (none of which contain offensive language or gory scenes) and piercings and kind of resembles one of those "emo" kids with crazy hair, crazy make up and skinny jeans. You know which ones I am talking about!! 

I am tattooed and pierced myself and find the body to be one of the greatest canvases so her appearance in no way offends me but who am I to speak for everyone else.  I understand the strong urge to judge a book by it's cover.  I too have caught myself trying but usually manage to keep control of it.

Now that you have a little back ground let's proceed to the WTF moment...

A couple of months ago it was just JC and I at the restaurant and it was a typical Thursday afternoon.  JC was working the register while I was in the kitchen.  A lady comes in and JC greets her with the typical "Hi, my name is JC how are you today?" (did I mention that JC has this sweet  little voice that doesn't sound like it belongs to her)

The lady looks awkwardly at JC and then at the menu and proceeds to order.  JC takes the order flawlessly, gets the lady everything she asks for and is extremely polite.  I know this because the register is less than ten feet from the kitchen entrance and I could hear and see everything.  I finished up the lady's order and took it out to her, here is how the conversation went...

Me (handing the lady her to-go bag):  "Here you go Mam, thanks for coming in."

Lady:  "You're welcome, thank you.  Um might I speak to a manager?"

Me:  "What can I do for you?"

Lady (eyeing my nose piercing):  "You're the manager?"

Me:  "Yes mam, what can I help you with."

Lady:  "Could we possibly talk in private?"

Me:  "Certainly" (we walk over by the front door)

Lady:  VERBATIM!!!  "I really don't think you should hire people who look like that."

Me:  "Excuse me, people who look like what?"  (playing dumb)

Lady:  "Well, people who look like...well her (pointing at JC who was wiping down tables)

Me:  "I don't quite understand" (still playing dumb)

Lady (uncomfortably):  You know all pierced and tattooed. 

Me:  "Well Mam, I understand your concern and see how it could be an eye shock to see such a young person so adorned but let me first ask you a few questions.  Were you greeted when you walked through our door?  Was it with a smile?  Was your order taken in a timely fashion and all your needs met?  Have you been treated with respect the whole ten minutes you have been here?

Lady:  "Well yes...but...

Me (interrupting eloquently):  "Then I believe we have no problem.  The "pierced and tattooed" girl (and yes I made the quotation mark finger gesture tee-hee) has a name which she was kind enough to provide for you when you came in.  She has been my employee since the day we opened the restaurant  two years ago.  She is the hardest worker I have.  She goes to school all morning and works here all afternoon and on weekends.  She doesn't drink, she doesn't do drugs and she has never been in trouble."  She treated you with respect and deserves the same.  I understand that the body modifications might not be your "cup of tea" (finger gesture again) but next time you want to judge based on that criteria alone force yourself too take a closer look because underneath it all we are people just like you.  We are no stupider nor are we any less than you we just find beauty in different things." (smiling)

Lady:  Speechless

I was satisfied with my lecture but felt it was lacking a certain pizazz so before telling the lady to
"enjoy her lunch and have a fantastic afternoon" I made a point to roll up my sleeves a little so that she could fully see the "Karma" tattoo on my wrist and adjusted the collar on my chef coat for a better view of my dermal anchors.

My tongue gets away with me sometimes but usually it is in defense of others and I was certainly not going to stand there and let someone dictate to me who I should and shouldn't hire.  I might have gone a little over board with the lecture but JC is family and you don't fuck with family.  Really Lady???  WTF???

Fortunately, it all turned out ok and the Lady who received my lecture came back later and apologized to both JC and myself for her "thoughtlessness" as she called it.  She quickly became a frequent customer in the restaurant and has made a valiant effort to try and get to know JC.  In fact she is very pleasant herself and is even almost likeable.  Almost.

Sometimes people just need a hand so that they can climb off their pedestals and return to Earth.  In this case, however, a swift kick was the tool that got the job done.



A Blind Date in Baseball Terms

I had a date last Saturday night.  I was home by 10:30 so you can guess how it went.

Let me rewind.  I don't like blind dates.  I don't like it at all when a friend says, "I know a guy you would really like."  This scares me.  ALOT!!!!!

Let me rewind again...I am happy being single.  I have been divorced for two and a half years so being single has been a huge growing period for me.  Well that and I do what I want when I want and with who I want.  No one to answer to.  Love it.  Lately however, I have missed the closeness that comes with a relationship which is why when a friend suggested I give this guy a try, I thought, what have I got to lose.  Famous last words right? 

With all that said, lets talk about this date...

We will call him Joe.  Nice guy.  A little too preppy for me and all to ready to be my "night in shining Chevy Truck" (which I think is his best quality, the Chevy, nice taste in vehicles).  He has a great job, makes good money, owns his own house, no kids.  Sounds like a great catch right??  Not so much.  While these things may spark a fire in some girls, I was less than impressed.  This guy had absolutely no thoughts of his own.  He is your stereotypical "say anything to make you love me" kind of person.  WTF??  Dude!  Can you be any more fake?

I should have walked right out of the restaurant when the topic of music came up.  He asked me what my favorite song was.  Of course I answered "Unbroken Chain" (blank stare from dude).  I followed that up with "I'm kind of a Dead Head"  (blank stare with stars of confusion rolling into his eyes).  He had the nerve to ask me "What is a Dead Head?"  Oh My GAWWWWD!  Do you not live on this planet?

Freak out over the clueless man aside, I asked him what kind of music he liked.  His answer...

Kelly Clarkson.  WOW!!  Ok.  Yes, she has talent and is sooooooo "girl next door".  But really dude?  Are you sure you aren't gay?  Maybe just sitting in the closet with the light off?  Was that answer for my benefit?  Was I giving off the "Tween Poppy Vibe" again?  So many questions so little time.  Strike 1!

For those of you who do not know me, Music is an everyday all day part of my life.  I cannot sing (tone deaf) or play a note on anything but cannot live without my ipod or Pandora.  And no, you will not find Kelly Clarkson anywhere in all 10,000 of my songs.  You might find a (one) Hillary Duff song though and I am a little embarrassed to admit that so publicly but it really is a great song, (cringe) ok...it's a good song.  Never mind.  Moving on...

Even though I was temporarily appalled by the music thing, the evening wore on.  We talked about his job his goals in life (to his defense were pretty well thought out and what girl doesn't like a man with goals).  He talked about his family, he asked about mine blah blah blah.  The usual first date stuff.  Which, I might add is usually really interesting and a great moment in the steps of dating...WHEN YOU HAVE THINGS IN COMMON!! 

We talked about sports, oh and get this, the only sports he follows are Nascar and Football (by football I mean soccer)  Really?  I told him all that interests me about Nascar are the bad ass crashes and big fiery booms.  I think I may have offended him because when I told him I loved Baseball he wasted no time letting me know that he isn't into watching grass grow.  Very original dude I haven't heard that before.  Strike 2.

I talked about my love for all things mixed martial arts (UFC) in which he admitted he was clueless so that ended that.

I talked about my love of art and literature and his only response was, and I quote "Those things make me think too much and the last book  I read was Maxim."

Oh My GAWWWWWWD!!!!!  Ok brainiac, Maxim is a f*cking magazine and I'm sure you only looked at the pictures! 

I brought up the topic of cars (due to boredom and hope that my interest in him might peak beyond his vehicle because as I mentioned before he drove a Chevy truck).   I told him about my childhood being daddy's little mechanic.  I went off about all the different kinds of cars my dad and brother had restored and how I just loved to play mechanic and work on my own vehicles.  I told him about the Camaro and the Chevelle and that my favorite car in the world is a 1957 Corvette and that I have huge plans to restore one when I find one with a decent strait body and blah blah blah. 

His answer to all this, ok well not really an answer more of a statement, albeit a true one, was "but you're a girl!" 

No shit Sherlock, I am completely aware that I have a vagina, thank you!  Strike 3!

Ok, that was it, I had had enough.  Not before I ordered desert though.  I felt I needed some sort of consolation prize for wasting an evening on this nice but complete idiot and let's face it dinner wasn't going to cut it.  The ride home was uneventful and for that I was thankful.  To his defense again he was a gentleman and walked me to my door.  I thanked him for dinner and an interesting evening but almost tripped up the stairs because I couldn't get away quick enough.

I think that's the first time I have ever "pitched a no hitter" so to speak which in baseball terms is a pretty damn good thing but in terms of dating, it just kinda makes you not want to play the game. Oh and my friend, the one who set me up with him, the one who has known me for almost twelve years got quite the ear full the next morning but that's a post for another day.

Off on a Tangent

Hi friends.  My apologies for not posting WTF Wednesdays yet.  My computer was being a jerk and I just got it up and running this morning.  I may post it later today but first, I am in a weird mood today.  Not happy, not sad just strange.  Can't put my finger on it and honestly don't really know if  I want too.  Might just ride this one out.

The following poem is an awkward rendition of a battle I fought this morning.  I didn't win because  I still haven't found the misplaced.  It'll pop up when I stop looking and victory will be mine!!!!

Update:  I found the precious misplaced.  Yay!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From the pit of my soul
a mounting fire breaks with the anxiety of finding something that I had misplaced
Long ago, just put it "somewhere neat"
For safe keeping, in order to keep it safe!!

Gone!
Frustration! Fire!
Anger!

It kicks me I kick back
It throws a right hook
I counter with the same
A left, a right,

Who's fighting who
when you're fighting you and you?

Now (sigh of exhaustion), where did I put that damned thing?

My Kiddos!!

Well, took my lil Oscar to the vet today.  Turns out his limping is due to a bad ACL.  At first I thought It might be from him and Karma Jade (The Rottenweiller) playing too hard because she can get a lil crazy but come to find out, it's genetics.  We just got a bunk Oscar!

Right now its his right leg but the vet said most likely his left will go as well in a couple of years.  My poor baby boy.  Looks like there's a surgery or two in his future. 

I just had a thought, you haven't met all my kiddos yet.  Well it's time you do! 

Karma Jade is the apple of my eye.  She is a 7 year old Rottweiler (Rottenweilers as I like to call them due to their stubbornness).  Yes she looks menacing running at you at full speed but when she gets to you and sits pretty with a smile and a little glint in her big brown eyes that says "gotcha, now pet me, love me" your heart will melt.  I've seen it happen.  Most people fall instantly in love with her.  She's a pushy broad so if you don't love her at first, she will eventually make you. 

She plays well with other dogs, loves kids especially my nephew. She is a doll.  Very sweet and affectionate.  Don't get me wrong, if someone were to threaten me she would act in an instant because it's in her training but she is trained only to subdue an assailant not to harm. 

Most people think that the breed itself is a dangerous one but I chalk that up to ignorance.  Knowledge is power and knowledge of this breed is crucial in both tapping into and taming their natural abilities.  Rottweilers are extremely intelligent, too intelligent sometimes that they get into trouble but if trained properly they are the most loyal and loving family dogs.  I have been blessed to have this beautiful girl in my life.  (Yes I am aware that it sounds like a PSA, that's because it is!  Raising awareness of high risk breeds is highly important to me.  Remember, it's not the dog, it's how the dog is raised!)

Sadee Mae is an eleven year old American Short Hair.  She is the most independent of the four.  She shares my low bullshit tolerance and has a sassy no non-sense kind of attitude.  She hates everyone except me and a few key people.  If she decides she hates you there's no changing her mind.  You just gotta deal with it!

She's got a devious spirit and likes to attack from her perch as you walk by but mostly she keeps to herself.  I have always been in love with her bitchiness.  She is kind of like the feline version of me and I find it refreshing.

Oscar de la Hoya is a pure bread American Bulldog.  Often mistaken for a Pit Bull but he is not.  We rescued him about three years ago from a shelter and he has been a wonderful brother to his furry family and companion for his humans. 

He is a big sweet baby and loves to pretend he's a lap dog.  He walks around with a "dee da dee" goofy look on his face and he isn't all that smart. We often call him "Gomer" or "Eyeore" because yes he is THAT dopey.  His cuteness makes up for it though. 

Oscar has abandonment issues and hates to be alone.  All this aside his only major drawback is his tail.  It goes a little crazy and leaves big bruises wherever it manages to strike.

(Another PSA - If at all possible, rescue a dog!  They need love too and if you don't who will?  The change needs to start with you.  If you feel you must have a puppy, because yes I know, sometimes puppies are necessary, please spay or neuter.)



 

This brings us to the baby and most needy of the four.  PunkAss.  Believe me he lives up to his name.  He is just over a year and a half old and is constantly on my heels and into things he should not be into. 

I cannot count the number of times I have come home and found him locked in a cabinet or a closet because he snuck in and couldn't get himself out.  He is very vocal and talks all the time.  Most of it is just kitty gibberish but I can differentiate between his ramblings and his "Mom feed me!!" scream.  He is definitely the baby and gets away with more than he should. 

There they are.  My babies.  I hope you find them as cute as I do.  I will keep u updated on the Oscar status.  Have a great day!!!

Valentine's Day

As my birthday quickly approaches, I am reminded of my age.  Too big to be just a number but still way under cougar status.  Right?  Wait...what age is cougar status?  Um...I can't remember. (not a good sign)

Ok so all I really know is that Monday will be the sixth anniversary of my 25th birthday.

Now lets stop talking about the birthday before I swallow a bottle of pills in desperate effort to forget how near it is.  Let's talk more about the day it falls on.

For those of you who do not know, (or live in the real world), Monday February 14th is Valentine's Day.  We all know (well most of us) the history of Valentine's day so I shouldn't need to reiterate all of that but for those of you poor dears who are out of touch with...well.. reality here is the Wikipedia link so that you may enlighten yourself.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentine's_Day  God Bless Wikipedia!!!!!!

Moving Forward, despite the historical aspects regarding this holiday, I have my own theory.  Bare with me my friends, there is a method to my madness.

I have come to believe that Valentine's Day is merely a scapegoat for the stupid men (husbands) of the world who cant be bothered with remembering an anniversary or birthday.  Let me explain.

I have had to listen to a fair number of my married friends complain that their husband forgot their anniversary or birthday and that those celebrated days were less than celebratory.  Let it be known that my ex-husband was not one of the idiots. He remembered.  Well... ok, how could he not my birthday is on Valentine's Day and our anniversary was on our friend Lisa's birthday.  So maybe he was an idiot, he just had it easier than most.

One trend I have noticed was that not one of them complained about Valentine's Day.  It was the opposite.  They were impressed by how (romantically) wonderful their night was.  Wha??????????

In my mind, anniversaries and birthdays are more important than a shared day of "love" (V Day) and should be treated as such. 

I had this inkling a couple of years ago but no real facts to support my theory so a couple of weeks ago I took to the streets and asked random guys what Valentine's day means to them.

Sadly, their general consensus seems to be...(and I am using a direct quote from one of my poor clueless random men that I questioned.)

"Valentine's day, well if you don't screw it up, you're off the hook for the rest of the year and if you think you might have screwed up with something else all you have to do is remind your lady of that "magical" (my word) evening and everything goes back to normal."  --Stanley X

I managed to capture a couple of amusing quotes which I will share with you as well as you try to rap your head around the first and most incriminating.

"Valentine's Day, is that today!!!?"  --James X (a little freaked out and breathing sighs of relief when I told him he still had a couple of weeks to prepare.)

I usually spend Valentine's Day playing poker with the guys while our wives do the girl thing"  just as I think it can't get worse, he adds "I think they (the wives) like that we give them their own time, it always seems to work out."  --John 

Ok so is it safe to say "CLUELESS" yet?  I would really like to talk to John's wife because being a woman myself I think she may have another point of view.  I will refrain however because I don't want a divorce (other than my own) on my conscience.

Ok, so theory not completely proven but definitely a step in the right direction and my little experiment tells me I might not be far off in my thinking process. 

If only they could figure it out.

I'm done, and all I have left to say is...

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!

What The F*ck Wednesdays

This is my first of a series of posts that are designed to tell you how I really feel about random topics.  If I offend anyone, it is not intentional, this post is merely being utilized as a venting space. 

First and foremost, I am sooooo sick of hearing about celebrity money.  It's not a jealousy thing.  Quite frankly the whole issue is none of my business, well that and I really, REALLY don't care!  Americans and their obsession with other peoples money is astounding sometimes. 

Really?  Celebrities! Does it make you feel like you have a 12 inch dick to tell the world what you are worth?  Hello! We are not stupid, we see you in the movies and on the TV shows, we have an inkling that you might be somewhat successful!   Get over yourselves!!!!

And to you people who demand the information, is this really going to improve your station in life? Does it make you smarter? Happier?

I was in the grocery store the other day and I was minding my business when an older white guy walked up to me and started speaking to me in Spanish...

The Older White Guy: (in Spanish) blah blah blah...

Me:  (annoyed) (in English) I don't speak Spanish sir

The Older White Guy:  (English) Excuse me, I'm sorry, I um just figured cuz, you know, you're brown.

Me: (really pissed off now and without missing a beat) So...based on your logic, I am supposed to figure, because, well you're white, that you speak trailer park?

MORAL OF THIS STORY:  Racist remarks spat in my direction may cause me to lose my tongue.



Gone Rastafarian...be back soon!

So...this is what happens when I'm jammin...

Shall we add sound effects?  I think so!

Peace and Love.

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Bathing The Monkey!!

So this evening I had a bright idea.  For some fucked in the head reason I decided that Mace and Angie and I should try and bathe the Monkey...

 This did not turn out as planned...

Mr. Monkey was pissed!!! Did you know that cats can howl like dogs?? 

ME NEITHER!!!  We found that out tonite.  "Learn something everyday "is what my kindergarten teacher Mrs. Bradley used to say.

Well we certainly learned a couple of somethings!

Lesbians and a Steak Dinner

So when I was growing up, it was not unusual for any member of my immediate or extended family to just barge through the front door unannounced.  This never bothered me until after I was married and my husband pointed out the rudeness of it. 

Since the invention of the electronic leash we all like to call the cell phone, I am super annoyed if someone doesn't call me first to let me know they are coming over.  Most of the time I won't answer my door if a person happens to show up unannounced and as a personal rule I won't go anywhere without first calling to make sure a person is home and knows I will be coming by. 

I do suppose, however, that my expectation of this from everyone is a little far reaching. Here's what changed me a bit.

I was lying on my bed watching a crybaby movie (Mask) feeling sorry for my self due to my recent predicaments when...

..."suddenly there came a tapping,
As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door."  EAP

Now, I wasn't expecting anyone and Mace was at work so I knew it wouldn't be her.

I gently got up, tip-toed to my front door and looked out of my peephole.  I half expected to see a cop since they tend to show up at least twice a week due to the other tenants in this building being degenerates.

But no, it was a couple of Lesbians.  My Lesbians actually.  Krys and Niki.

Yay!  I hadn't seen them in months and here they were.  In my wallowing, I was of course grumpy but pleased at the same time so I got over myself and opened my door.

...HANDS DOWN THE BEST THING I COULD HAVE DONE!!!!

Within a few minutes my depressed demeanor vanished and it was great to be in the the company of such good people.  They even brought with them a little friend. 

Little Celine helped boost my mood as well even though she peed on my bed.  Yuck!!  Regardless, she was cute, rowdy, biting perfection and of course I fell in love!

My girls and I visited for a while.  Caught each other up on the gossip then we decided to go to dinner.  We went to Texas Roadhouse and gorged ourselves with steaks, chicken critters and Iced Tea!  YUM!

Now, I know you must be wondering what, if anything, this has to do with the beginning of this blog.  I started making one point but figured I need to pull the stick out of my ass and get over my whole issue with unplanned events or at least allow an occasional surprise to take place.

If I had played hermit and not answered my door (as I usually do when the unexpected comes calling), I would have missed out on so much fun.  I am blessed to have such wonderful friends.  Friends who know how to pull you right out of your hole without your first having to ask for assistance.  Thank you friends and I am up for Lesbians and a steak dinner anytime!!!!  Yay!