What the F*ck Wednesdays

As most of you know, I love cars.  Everything about them.  Fixing them, looking at them, driving them.  I love Cars! 

Recently the ex-husband asked me if I wanted to help him put Nanny's car back together so we could sell it.  The money is going to be used to pay for Oscar's surgery so of course I was in.  I woulda been game anyway though cuz there's nothing like the smell of motor oil in the morning!  Love it! 

Anyway he sends me to the auto parts store with a list of things we need to get this big ol bitch running.  Oh, I forgot to mention that the said car is a 1984 Chevy Impala.  Definately not my favorite year but Impalas are classic Right?  Right.

I manage to find everything except the right sized exhaust pipe.  I need a 2 1/2 inch diameter pipe and the highest this particular store has in stock is a 2 1/4 inch.

I proceed to the front of the store to get some help.  I finally find someone who looks like he isn't doing anything so I walk up to him and here's how it went...

Me:  Excuse me?

Guy:  Yes mam how can I help you?

I explain to him that they are out of the right sized pipe and asked if they might have one tucked away in the back.

Guy (smiling at me unsincerely and a bit maliciously):  Sweetheart are you sure that's the size you need?  Do you want to call someone, your boyfriend maybe and ask for sure before I go look?

Ok, so here is what came out of my mouth...

Me (not smiling):  Yes, that sized pipe is exactly what I need please look and see if you have one.  Thank you. (I was nice WOW!!!!)

Here is what I was thinking and what should have probably come out of my mouth...

"First of all Jackass, I'm not your sweetheart!  Second of all, just because I have tits and a vagina does not render me useless.  I will never need a man/boyfriend/husband/gay friend to validate my automobile knowledge (or my mad measuring skills, because I'm the one who measured the muffler piece in the first place)  and your suggestion that I do just proves that you are a brainless nincompoop (sp?) and have absolutely no cutomer service skills.  This is discrimination!  You should be fired!  Hey I need a job...got any applications?  I guarantee you I can do your job better than you! " 

Then my mind wandered, because it does that sometimes, to that song "Anything you can do I can do better"  (I had just watched Chuck and Larry and so it seemed fitting). 

Sometimes I seriously think I have sign that says "If you are stupid, f*ck with me" taped to my ass but when I look, it's not there.  I don't get it!!

WAIT!!! EUREKA!!!!!

Bear with me friends, I'm having a thought...

Just maybe I do have a sign but only it can only be seen by *cough* stupid people.  Kind of like the same concept as the dog whistle.  You know what I'm saying?  The only problem with my thought is that I'm not sure I like the idea of the stupid people having special powers like that.  It just doesn't seem right, why can't a smarter than your average bear person like me see things that aren't there?  Soooo not fair!

One more time friends!

Happy Hump Day!